Maybe you're not as special as you think

I get this a LOT:

Whenever I write an article or post something on my social media, I will get some response from, a client, a friend or an acquaintance asking me if I wrote that or posted that because of what they shared with me. Most people are nice about it when they ask, but on several occasions, people have lashed out at me (even people who call themselves spiritual teachers!)

The thing is WE ALL want to think our problems are unique and they make us special. But reality check here: we are not all that special when it comes to problems! 

We all have similar types of problems, simply played out differently with different players and different scenarios.

The problems I am referring to are the inner challenges: self-worth, self-love, self-esteem, self-confidence, struggles with anger issues, sadness, depressive feelings, loneliness, fear, jealousy, anxiety, disgust, shame, embarrassment, grief and so on.

We all want to think we are special because unconsciously it gives us a reason to think why things will not work out, or why we are in this situation, or it gives us permission to remain a victim. 

Too many want to think that their childhood screwed them up so big-time and it gives them an excuse to behave like a**holes. 

Too many want to think that they were abandoned by their lovers/friends/whatever and it gives them an excuse to be nasty to the next nice person that comes along.

Too many want to feel so special that they think no one can help them with their challenges/problems/issues and so not only do they not want to see the light, they refuse to get out of the hole they dug themselves into. 

Heard of this saying: You may not have control over what other people have done to you. But you have a choice to be an a**hole or not from that point on.

No, I don't think you have heard of it, because I just said it. 

So did I share about people's specific problems in my posts or articles?

No. 

If I do, I usually ask for permission and leave out all names. 

Then why do people think whatever that has been written or posted is about them? It is simple - our problems are all the same. 

And whatever we are challenged by at the moment, or occupies the most space and energies in our minds right now is the exact lens we will use to view the world and other people at any given moment. 

What is this lens? It is the filter we see the world through. If the filter is a rose-tinted one, then the world looks rosy. If the filter is one of self-loathing, then you see the world as loathing you.

This happens a lot in relationships, the more intimate the more filtered the lenses become, because of the close proximity, the emotional investment and how much power you have unconsciously given to the other person to trigger your innermost fears. So if you grew up in a critical environment, then no matter what your partner says, you will hear criticism and even the most beautiful words cannot be heard because you think you hear sarcasm and you think your partner is being snarky. And all these feelings invoked have absolutely nothing to do with your partner, it is your past that you are struggling with. 

I was watching a TV series over the weekend - Jason Segel's Dispatches From Elsewhere (the guy from How I Met Your Mother). I love it, it is bizarre yet so meaningful. Characters in the story want to feel special and think that their problems are special. I'm not going to share too much, because I don't want to spoil the fun for you. But there is one line I love which I thought is so apt for this article: You are special because you are like everyone else. You are perfect. 

In this blog post, I want to say to everyone that if you read or see something that triggers you, use it as an opportunity to go deeper within and allow whatever you have not felt or seen to be processed and worked through, this is to empower yourself and to have a better understanding of yourself. 

(A question I get so often from people whenever I mention, "process your thoughts/feelings" is: how do I do that. I highly recommend seeing a therapist, or a coach for this work if you have never done processing work before. You can also get a good book that teaches you how to do that according to your personal beliefs/religion. I am not able to go through the whole process with you via an email to explain everything, so you might want to consider booking a coaching call with me if you think I am able to help you. More info HERE)

How well you know yourself, especially the unconscious parts of yourself (which you will make conscious), the more powerful you will become, the more empowered choices you will make.

This, my friends, is what will make your heart sing with joy, love and bliss. 

©2020 Shamala Tan

Let me know how I can assist you if you have any questions [email protected]

Shamala Tan is an author, spiritual entrepreneur and healer. Her work focuses on transforming the lives of others on the spiritual, emotional, mental and earthly level.

One of her success stories as an author is to being featured alongside New York’s bestsellers Sonia Choquette, Robert Allen, Arielle Ford, Marci Shimoff as well as Christine Kloser in the book Pebbles In The Pond.

Shamala’s clients include small business owners, holistic practitioners as well as those seeking to find more significant meaning and value in life. Shamala offers laser coaching to her clients on a one-to-one basis or in a group environment, offline as well as online.