Finding Peace in What You Cannot Change

We’ve all been there—left wondering why someone pulled away, why a relationship changed, or why someone didn’t show up in the way we had hoped. It’s human nature to search for answers, to try and make sense of it all. But in that search, we often lose ourselves in endless loops of overthinking, carrying the weight of things we were never meant to hold. The truth is, we can’t control what others do. Real peace begins when we stop trying to manage what’s outside our hands and focus on how we respond instead.

Letting Go of the Need for Answers

When someone’s behaviour confuses or hurts us, it’s easy to slip into overthinking. Why did they stop calling? Did I do something wrong? Why won’t they give me what I need? We convince ourselves that if we just think about it long enough, the answers will appear. But life doesn’t always give us that kind of clarity. Sometimes, we don’t get closure from other people—we have to create it within ourselves.

What if, instead of trying to understand or fix someone’s behaviour, we allowed it to be what it is? What if we trusted that every action, every choice they make, is showing us something we need to see?

If someone pulls away, allow the distance to settle. If they pressure you to commit while you're not ready, gracefully let them go, or if they’re not ready to commit, honour where they are. If they slip quietly out of your life, trust that their absence creates space for something more aligned.

It’s not easy, but there’s a quiet kind of strength in letting people be who they are without needing to change them.

The Clarity That Comes with Acceptance

Accepting someone’s actions doesn’t mean we stop caring. It simply means we stop trying to mould them into the version we want them to be. When we allow people to show us who they truly are, we gain clarity.

A friend who repeatedly cancels plans is showing you what their priorities are. A partner who refuses to commit is revealing what they’re capable of offering. These truths may be painful at first, but they’re gifts in their own way. They give you the information you need to decide what’s right for you.

It’s never easy to face these moments of clarity. Our instinct is often to hold on, to convince someone to stay, or to hope they’ll change. But the reality is, the people who are truly meant to be in your life won’t need convincing. They’ll show up with the same effort and love you offer them.

Choosing Peace Over Control

Letting go of control isn’t about closing yourself off or becoming indifferent. It’s about choosing peace. It’s about protecting your own well-being and knowing that not every connection is meant to last forever.

There’s great freedom in accepting that you cannot change someone else’s choices. Instead of clinging to what might have been, you can begin to trust that life is always moving you towards what’s right for you—even when it doesn’t feel that way in the moment.

This isn’t a harsh or cold process; it’s a gentle unfolding. When you stop fighting to hold on to what isn’t working, you make space for something better to arrive. People who are meant to be in your life will be there. They’ll meet you with consistency, kindness, and care—without you having to chase or beg for it.

Trusting the Flow of Life

The next time you catch yourself overthinking someone’s actions, pause. Ask yourself: Am I holding on to something I cannot control? If the answer is yes, try to soften your grip. Trust that everything is unfolding exactly as it’s meant to.

Some people are only with us for a season, and that’s okay. Each experience brings its own lesson, even if the meaning isn’t immediately clear. The more you release what doesn’t align with you, the more space you create for the relationships and experiences that truly do.

You don’t have to hold on so tightly. Not everything is yours to fix or figure out. Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is lean back, breathe, and trust the flow of life. What’s meant for you will always find its way.

Want to explore more about finding peace and clarity? Drop me a message to enquire about my therapeutic coaching sessions. Or Check out the Emotional Mastery online program HERE

© 2025 Shamala Tan