Is It Tough To Be In A Relationship While On The Spiritual Path (not the same as religious path)?

I received a really good question from my IG story and it says: Is it hard to be in a relationship as a spiritual teacher and energy healer?

So I would like to answer this question here, but tweak it so it is relatable to everyone, and not just for spiritual teachers or healers.

Well to begin, relationships are challenging in themselves. Especially romantic long term relationships. It is one of the hardest schools to be in when you're on the spiritual path, wanting to grow spiritually. 

Relationships are confrontational. And my teacher used to tell me this: in a relationship, that one person mirrors everyone that you have ever had unresolved issues with, and they can highlight all of the inner stuff that requires you to look at. 

Now understand that the "highlighting" or the "mirroring" are not done purposely by your partner to egg you on. Somehow you will see all of these things highlighted to you, and not because your partner is a bad/evil person, but because your mind focuses on these things within your partner because you have not resolved these issues. 

This is why it makes it all the more challenging, for people who have more self-awareness. 

When you're on the spiritual path, your self-awareness should keep increasing, and the more aware you are, the more confrontational it becomes and the more challenging relationships are. UNLESS you have worked out a way to use these experiences to develop your consciousness and not be victimised by them. And this requires work. A lot of hard work. 

Relationships are hard work. Forget about the popular saying: if relationships are so hard work, it is not meant to be. I feel this is an illusion, created to make people feel better about their decisions when the going gets tough. I am not saying that people should not leave their relationships, there are times when leaving is the right thing to do. The timing is key, leaving too early, one would miss a valuable lesson, learning too late, would cause more damage to either or both parties unnecessarily. And if we do not see the valuable lessons of the relationship, then we would have done a disservice to ourselves. 

Or the other popular saying: if it is meant to be, it should be easy! This is another one that has thrown people into romantic illusions, and unrealistic expectations of their partners and the relationship. 

The challenge we do have now is that people expect their relationships to autorun, they do not put in as much work as their careers, or in any other aspects of their lives. Long term relationships and marriages just become a physical place. People who have made their relationships a safe haven emotionally, mentally and spiritually have done work to get there. 

I can say this confidently that when people say that they have been in a relationship for over 10 years, and they never have issues - they are either lying to us or to themselves, they are too blind and asleep to see what is going on, they are just scratching the surface of the relationship, or they hardly see each other!

Our best and our worst selves make their presence known in relationships, and it is uncomfortable to look at, it is sometimes shocking to the system, we feel let down (as if we paid something but got something else instead!) and the list goes on. 

So to answer the question, are relationships tough for people on the spiritual path? Definitely yes. 

Is it tough for spiritual teachers/energy healers? Even more so. Because not only all of the above applies, BUT as a spiritual teacher I have to leave the spiritual teacher and healer at the door when I enter the relationship and just be human me. This is a tough one for most spiritual teachers and the speed of growth co-relates with the degree of confrontations, especially if one's partner is not spiritual. 

Ultimately, having the right mindset helps us to see relationships as they are, and how it can provide a safe haven for love, compassion, and so much growth.

©2019 Shamala Tan

Let me know how I can assist you if you have any questions [email protected] 

Shamala Tan is an author, spiritual entrepreneur and healer.  Her work focuses on transforming the lives of others on the spiritual, emotional, mental and earthly level.

One of her success stories as an author is to being featured alongside New York’s bestsellers Sonia Choquette, Robert Allen, Arielle Ford, Marci Shimoff as well as Christine Kloser in the book Pebbles In The Pond.

Shamala’s clients include small business owners, holistic practitioners as well as those seeking to find more significant meaning and value in life. Shamala offers laser coaching to her clients on a one-to-one basis or in a group environment, offline as well as online.