Self belief & our inner child

emotional wellness inner child self belief self confidence Aug 03, 2020

Yesterday I conducted a poll on my social media accounts. One question I asked is: Which is more difficult for you: A- saying no to other people or B-Believing in yourself. Majority of the respondents on Instagram chose: Believing in yourself.

Self-belief is one of the biggest hurdles we all need to cross. And when this part of the mental construct of our self is not complete, we will keep feeling handicapped.

So let's go back to basics.

For most of us growing up with critical voices is one of the main challenge/cause of our lack of self-belief. These voices may be from our own parents, caregivers, teachers, peers and so on. Sometimes, it is simply the kind of environment we are in, where the culture is one of fault-finding. Ask ourself right now, is our default mode one of fault-finding or do we look for the goodness of another person/situation?

Someone once told me that I am naive for not looking at the reality of the situation. Now, the reality is truly in the eye of the beholder! Two people can see the same situation, yet perceive things so differently. This is all in the mindset.

Being a fault finder is crippling. Because this is us beating ourself up mentally and emotionally. The lack of self-belief comes from the constant beating of self mentally and emotionally. It is self beating the inner child within.

When we feel we lack self-belief, the one giving us this information is the inner child consciousness within us. it is the inner child that is telling us that we do not trust ourselves, that we do not think we are good enough, it is the inner child within feeling afraid, ashamed.

Can you imagine doing this to a real child daily? Telling the child that he/she is simply not good enough? Criticising the child until the child is beaten emotionally and mentally and then lacking lustre. And this is what we have been doing to ourselves.

This has to stop. It is a form of self-abuse.

Now we may have grown up in an abusive environment where there is a lack of care and love, but the responsibility to love and care for ourselves is now ours. No one is coming to save us. It is on us now. It is our own responsibility to do this job of loving the inner child within us. To nurture, and to re-build ourselves, to find that right balance of loving, caring, nurturing as well as disciplining.

In this work that I do with my clients, there is a tendency for most to swing to the other end of the spectrum of being too lax, and giving in to every demand of the inner child within, this can be disastrous as well. Because from an inner child who lacks self-belief, we may well develop one who is obnoxious and arrogant and demands that the world gives in to him/her. And has an inflated sense of self, thinking they are better than others, and trying to put others down to feel lifted.

Some of us may relate to this: when we see ourselves as super confident in some situations, and completely lacking confidence in other situations. This is the ding-dong effect of the lack of stability, and the inner child is running amok.

So learning to find that balance is like learning to ride a bicycle, it does take practice. But keep on practising. If you don't know how to parent yourself, then buy books on parenting! Or books that are focused on the subject of the inner child. And if you have been abused as a child, seek professional help, it is the key to your freedom.

Self-belief truly comes from a healthy inner child, which is a product of healthy inner parenting skills.

Try it, you will be surprised at how far this adjustment you make internally can boost your self-confidence, your self-esteem and your self-belief.

Let me know how I can assist you if you have any questions [email protected]

Shamala Tan is an author, spiritual entrepreneur and healer. Her work focuses on transforming the lives of others on the spiritual, emotional, mental and earthly level.

One of her success stories as an author is to being featured alongside New York’s bestsellers Sonia Choquette, Robert Allen, Arielle Ford, Marci Shimoff as well as Christine Kloser in the book Pebbles In The Pond.

Shamala’s clients include small business owners, holistic practitioners as well as those seeking to find more significant meaning and value in life. Shamala offers laser coaching to her clients on a one-to-one basis or in a group environment, offline as well as online.

Home

Self belief & our inner child

Author

Two Step