What We Think Is Good May Actually Come From The Lower Ego

We have been talking about the lower ego in the past two weeks, so I like to recap for those of you who are reading this for the first time (if you have been following these articles, just skip to the third paragraph). 

The concept of the lower ego: We do need the Ego to serve our purpose, it is our identity, it makes us who we are. It is a vehicle or a face for us to utilise to live our purpose, to live our lives, and to enjoy what life on earth has to offer. However, within the Ego are two aspects, they are the Higher and the Lower Egos. The higher ego is in alignment with your soul, or spirit, that is always striving to do what is for your highest good, even if it may be challenging at times. The higher ego also holds all the good stuff — strength, courage, compassion, love and so on. Your higher ego allows you to be the best that you can be on earth. Now, there is the sibling of the higher ego, which we will call the lower ego. The lower ego is like a consciousness that is aligned with all things that will take you away from being the best that you can be.

There are so many things we do in our lives that make us think we come from good intentions and it is for good when really the motivation is from the lower ego. This is what causes us to mind trip, stumble and fall. 

One of the most common mistake we make: Pointing out someone’s mistakes. What? This is from the lower ego? Yes. When we point out other people’s mistakes, without permission, and nobody told us we could be that person’s teacher, no one paid us to coach them,  we are not their boss, that person didn’t assign us to be their mentor, when we point out other people’s mistakes we are in truth coming from a position of arrogance thinking we know better. 

We think we are only helping and that we are kind, but in truth, it is the lower ego we are trying to satisfy because the lower ego wants to put us in a one-up position. The rule of thumb is to keep your mouth shut if they are not your children, not your students, not people who have given you permission to point out their mistakes. Think of it this way: whoever likes to have their mistakes pointed out to them? Would you? It is intrusive and definitely not what someone expects, and it will feel like an attack. 

And when you do happen to say: May I have your permission to point something out? And the answer is no. Just let it be. And if you’re offended, ask yourself, Why? Because it was the lower ego that wanted to be the ’teacher” in the first place! We don’t always have the full picture of what is going on. And another mistake we do most frequently is trying to teach or school our partners/spouse! Asking for permission is the way to go, do not try to coach, school, teach your partner because it can lead to a very toxic relationship. Your job as a partner is simply to support and love. No teaching is required. Direct your teaching towards your kids, they are under your care and they do need your help until they become adults, and that’s where you can stop and you can start treating them as adults. 

We must also give people more credit that they know what they are doing, as well as, the space to make the necessary mistakes in life. We cannot save people from making mistakes, mistakes are really a necessary part of learning and life. Haven’t we learned this concept already while in school? 

One of the most common challenges that my clients often face is other people telling them what to do, and they get confused because the intention behind the help is usually not clear and not entirely for the good of my clients. They may end up going around in circles before they seek professional help. 

Learning to let things go is crucial when you see someone making a mistake. In almost all circumstances, having a harmonious relationship with the person is more important than trying to be their teacher. 

I leave you with these thoughts and will share more about the lower ego next week!

© 2019 Shamala Tan

Shamala Tan is an author, spiritual entrepreneur and healer.  Her work focuses on transforming the lives of others on the spiritual, emotional, mental and earthly level.

One of her success stories as an author is to being featured alongside New York’s bestsellers Sonia Choquette, Robert Allen, Arielle Ford, Marci Shimoff as well as Christine Kloser in the book Pebbles In The Pond.

Shamala’s clients include small business owners, holistic practitioners as well as those seeking to find more significant meaning and value in life. Shamala offers laser coaching to her clients on a one-to-one basis or in a group environment, offline as well as online.