When Your Failures Are Only In Your Mind

All of us see failures differently. Some of us imagine them or think we are experiencing them even before they happen. Others refuse to acknowledge that things are not working and they are not prepared to face reality.

I have noticed that for some of my clients when their self-esteem is affected by events in their lives or there is a change in circumstances, these things may have rocked the foundation of their lives. They will feel like they are no longer on track, and so it is easy to fall into the trap of thinking of themselves as failures.

As multi-dimensional beings, when one aspect of ourselves is not doing too well, e.g. in the workplace, it will inevitably affect our personal relationships. Each element of us is not detached or cut off from the other. And fortunately for us, as multi-dimensional beings, we can pull our resources in each aspect of self to work together to create a stronger us.

So how do we work with these aspects of our human nature?

Few of us were taught this when we were young, and many of us struggle to integrate the multi-dimensional beings that we are, as the school system mostly focuses on one part of us. We spend most of our days in a system that teaches or speaks to only one aspect of us. So is it any wonder we feel we lack the resources to deal with life issues and events?

So when we feel like we are such failures in life, where is this feeling really coming from? We have probably judged our ability to handle life issues/situations as if it is an exam to pass, so we see it in terms of failure and success.

What if, we see life simply as experiences?

If we re-frame everything that the world labels as success or failure as simply an experience. We will hold no judgement towards ourselves and we will work with total honesty with ourselves to see what we can learn so that we can have fuller experiences in the future.

When we savour the experiences we have, we appreciate everything. And whatever was previously perceived as failures were merely opportunities to better the next experience.

Life then becomes experience after experience. To consciously experience sadness when our relationships break down, or to consciously experience disappointment when our business ventures go sideways. As we savour the experiences with much support and love for ourselves and from others, we will fear nothing but embrace everything. The idea is to honour the experiences, without running away from them or suppressing them.

All of these sound like an ideal world. But I believe that it can be a practice that we can start learning, just as many of my clients are learning this now. We do not need to be enlightened beings to do this. We simply allow ourselves to have a full human experience without baggage.

Ultimately, instead of judgments in our minds, we will live with wisdom in our hearts.

First published in ©2018, edited in ©2022

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Shamala Tan is an author, spiritual entrepreneur and healer. Her work focuses on transforming the lives of others on the spiritual, emotional, mental and earthly levels.

Shamala’s clients include small business owners, holistic practitioners as well as those seeking to find more significant meaning and value in life. Shamala offers laser coaching to her clients on a one-to-one basis or in a group environment, offline as well as online.